i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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