She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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