I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
And the cops told us we were all naked.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You were trust falling into bushes
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
