i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
