I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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