Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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