If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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