i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
