there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
