Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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