I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
