no, he came in my armpit
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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