omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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