Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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