made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
