So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Who wears a wallet chain?!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
