Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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