my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
