he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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