She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
