woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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