As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
