you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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