just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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