he wants to bone in the snuggie
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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