I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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