What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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