when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
