You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
they're like a gay fantastic four
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Panties = found
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
