Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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