**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
love makes seman taste better
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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