rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
