i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
