He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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