She is in my trunk
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
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