So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
