if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
