Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
