You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
