Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
