Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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