I think im going to throw up on grandma
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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