i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
