all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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