dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
