dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
