One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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