So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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