I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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