he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
