True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need a beard to bite.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize