i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
