sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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