Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
