Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Randomize
