you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
