we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
