OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
