OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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