i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
