there's paper in my vomit.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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