your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
