Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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