The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
