I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
