we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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