I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
