Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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