Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
