i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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