Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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