Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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