i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
